I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
