JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize