and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
