I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
