so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
