There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
