Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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