My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
