R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
from now on my penis is your penis
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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