If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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