just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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