only if we run a train.
done.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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