Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
