and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
