the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
