I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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