I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Found your dick twin last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
