My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
