I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
