Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
