Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
