Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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