guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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