Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
