we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
vagina is talking i cant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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