I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize