i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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