3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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