I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
