I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
