she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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