It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
