I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
