Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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