woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
