My first STD was from a foam party
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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