I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
