and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
