I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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