So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
