I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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