Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
