Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
