Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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