he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize