A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
