I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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