I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize