I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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