i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
