He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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