they need to just BURY HIM!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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