I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
