I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
