Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize