he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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