her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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