she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
