You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
