I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
