he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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