it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
