Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
