Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
