He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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