IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
