Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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