Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize