in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
