the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
